shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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