We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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