I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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