Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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