Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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