In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
