wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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