i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
