ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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