My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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