Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
