instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
