no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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