That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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