I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
