Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
