It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
