The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
