Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
