My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
