You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
