Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i need some magic done to my vagina
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
