I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
