why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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