I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
