he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
