guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
