Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
