Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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