I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
