i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
