In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
