Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
