I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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