I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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