get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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