How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
