Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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