You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm jealous of your bromance
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
