dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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