The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
