I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
