The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to calm my uterus...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
