Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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