did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize