dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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