let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
