yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
