The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
