ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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