True but thats because hes a fetus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
