we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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