this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
