Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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