WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
