dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
