I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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