Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
