the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
