I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
