My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
