I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
