Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
