That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
