sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
