Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
