Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
