I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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