i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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