There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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