Someone shit on the floor
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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