It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
