is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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