drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
