Whod you bang
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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